Oh, Charlie!

Oh, Charlie, a tribute to my grandmother.

Have you ever been driving behind an old person who is driving the speed limit, won’t let you go to the left or right, and they don’t care that you are tailing them so close they’re not going to speed up? And in your head, you’re like “Move over, granny!” Yes, well, that was my Grams, LOL.

If you ever rode in the car with my grandmother, you would know she drove the speed limit, and if you tried to push her out of her spot on the road by getting too close, she would say, “Oh, Charlie, you’re just gonna have to wait. You’re not gonna run La Freida Matthews up off the road.” She was that type of driver.

Ah, the memories.

I was blessed to have my grandmother in my life for 36 years. She was truly remarkable. As one of her first two granddaughters, I shared a very special bond with her. Over time, I realized she formed a unique, loving bond with each of her grandchildren. She loved us all equally but abundantly. Nothing made her prouder than her family and her faith.

Today marks one year since her passing, and my emotions are mixed. Just a month ago, I got married, and, surprisingly, that joyful occasion was also one of my saddest moments. While I was deeply grateful for everyone who celebrated with us, I couldn’t help but feel the absence of my Grams—one of her greatest wishes was to see one of us get married. I could almost hear her voice that day: “Oh, Miss Erika, this is beautiful—that’s a lot of red! What color do you want me to wear?” It was the first major milestone in my life that she missed physically, but her spirit was absolutely present, and because it was, I was able to hold space for joy, not just grief. As I reflect—not just on this past year without her, but on all the years I was blessed to have her—I find I’ve learned three lessons I want to share.

Before I continue, I want to give heartfelt recognition to my dad, my uncles, and every caretaker reading this. Caring for a loved one is an extraordinary act—one of the hardest and most selfless things anyone can do. The true weight of it is something only those who have lived it can fully understand. It takes time to feel light again, to live without the emotional heaviness that comes with such responsibility. Please know: you have served with love and devotion. Show yourself grace as you adjust to a new chapter, and take comfort in knowing you embodied one of life’s greatest gifts—servitude. Whether it was easy or difficult, thankless or misunderstood, you showed up. Let your heart be at peace, knowing you have done and are doing enough. God’s got you, now and always.

Here are 3 lessons I’ve learned from Grams:

Lesson One: Faith and family over everything.

Faith : I went away to Kentucky State University for college, about a 3 Hour drive from home, and every time I came home, I would do the “visiting Olympics”.

When you're carpooling or have others riding with you, it always seems like we're in a time crunch, so I made it a point to visit all the elders in my family.

They weren’t long visits, but by golly, looking back now, I wish they were. I wish I could’ve stayed five more minutes to capture more of the smell of her home, or her laughter, or her cozy blanket on the couch that always seemed super soft and inviting, or to look at the bells in her house that she collected.

Grams and I had special conversations that I know she didn’t share with most people, and I miss those conversations. During some of those conversations, Grams had a special way of showing her strength and her love for the Lord. When the journey of her diagnosis got rough, one of the things she would repeat was “I’m ready to go to church, or I’m getting ready for church.” It didn’t matter what you were doing; sure enough, she was headed to the church, no matter the day or whether you were coming with her. And she served the Church well.

Seeing her relationship with the Lord was a sight, and it laid a great foundation for our lives. And a great illustration of Proverbs 16:20 : Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord. She was not perfect; she was actually quite witty. If you want to call it that. But her unshakable faith in God was undeniable and is partly one of the reasons the sad days since her passing don’t last long. Because I know just how much she delighted in Him- and what a joy it is to be close to Jesus! It’s sweet when you think about it, which leads me to the lesson on our relationship with Jesus: find unhurried time to be with the Lord. You have the time, we all do, but as the earth groans and life continues to move on, we can’t afford not to. What you make time for shows you your idol and what’s really controlling your life. Make the time and dedicate it back to Him.

Family: Up until Gram's passing, she had never missed a major milestone in my life. Now, she couldn’t keep up with which state I was living in at the time (to be honest, after the 3rd I state I lost count), but she always showed up, and not just for me but for others. You would think I was the only grandchild the way this sounds, but I wasn’t. I am 1 of 15+ and a slew of cousins, great-grands, etc! And Grams was there to love us all; however, we needed it. I often get asked, “You’re flying in for just ‘that’ “ and my answer is yes. Show up for your people. What’s a life without love or memories? How else can you make new memories to cherish if you don’t celebrate with the people you call family and friends, or mourn with them when they mourn, or just be with them when you get the chance? The lesson is this : You can make the money back, but there is no way on earth to get time back. No way. So, show up.

Lesson Two: It’s not too late, no regrets.

One of the private conversations I would often have with my grandmother was about how much she wanted to do. She wanted to be a nurse. She wanted to write her life story. She wanted to travel the world; she made beautiful jewelry and loved that, and many other things I won’t share.

Now, she did begin to write her life story, but she stopped, and boy, I wish she had kept going because it was good, but she stopped because of doubt. Doubt in her writing and fear that she was sharing too much. When in all actuality she was a great writer (thanks, Grams, for passing along the gene) and her story was beautiful, full of resilience, ebbs and flows, and a great “becoming” story.

Here’s the lesson: Take up space, don’t let anyone or anything stop you from pursuing your wildest dreams. You don’t want to look back on your life and say, “I wish I could have done this.” Time is our most precious resource, and we don’t get it back. Sure, you can build a nest egg, and yes, you need some of it for emergencies, but are you truly living?

When you’re down to your last days, you won’t be thinking about your bank account—you’ll be thinking about the life you lived, the moments you seized, and the dreams you chased. Grams wanted to travel the world and see new places; it was one of her greatest desires. She also wanted to be a nurse, but by the time she settled on the profession, she thought she was too old to go back to school. She wasn’t. There are people graduating and starting new chapters at 42, 50, 65, and even older. It’s never too late.

A part of me feels obligated to live life to the fullest—throwing caution to the wind, but also with strength and curiosity—because it matters. The world is full of cautionary tales, but instead of retreating, let the tales remind us just how little time we have, and let’s ask ourselves honestly: Am I living my life with joy and rigor?

Don’t wait. Take the trip. Start the new thing. The only time that’s too late is when you’ve stopped dreaming. Live boldly. Make 2 Timothy 1:7 your daily affirmation.

Lesson Three: Health is gold.

Learn your family’s healthy history. Date it back as far as you can, be informed. Our foods and stressors are different than what our grandparents had to face. Cancer, diabetes, heart attacks, and, unfortunately, so much more, are plaguing our generation. Grams had had subtle and small signs of Dementia/Alzheimer’s before we fully knew the diagnosis and could take action. The lesson is to pay attention to your health and advocate for yourself as much as possible. It’s important to know the signs and the factors that can exacerbate these diseases. Remember, stress kills. It’s not a disease, but the long-term effects of stress are deadly. Take care of yourself.

With proper medical guidance, make it a point to reduce your risk and focus on preventive care as much as possible.

As I close, my hope is that these lessons resonate with you- learn through knowledge because experience sometimes is so much harder.

As the day flows, more and more memories flood my heart of my grandmother. She was truly special. This morning, as this entry flowed through my head and I rushed back home from the gym to write it, my affirmation said, “I am here.” You can’t convince me that God isn’t real and that He doesn’t sit with us in our heaviness, because He was there for me today. And she was too.

My Grams.

I love her, purely and deeply, today and forever.

To my dad and my uncles, Grams was extremely proud of all of you. Over the last few years, there were good days and bad days, but don’t let the enemy convince you that you didn’t do enough because you did. It was hard; it weighs on your heart when you’re doing it day in and day out, but you did well. Now, live your life for you. Go back to God and ask Him what you were placed on this earth to accomplish. It’s not over for you yet. You’re not too old to dream, you’re not too old to travel, or ride motorcycles across the country. Live. Don’t fill your time with busyness because you’ll miss it. Life will zip by you if you let it. Go live in joy. You deserve it.

I love you all.

A timely affirmation.